she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
