When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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