i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
