I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
