Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
