There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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