You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm at about main and main street
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
