4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
