yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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