My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
