that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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