Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love having hate sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why is half of my head shaved?
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