I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
