Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
