I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
