i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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