I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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