dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
