Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
