Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
