Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
