There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
