I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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