is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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