Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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