I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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