Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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