I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
