So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
