I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
