just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize