Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the condom got lost in my hair
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
