I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
