im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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