Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
