i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
