Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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