remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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