He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
