It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
