At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
