I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
