Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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