I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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