now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
