HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
