Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
