I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize