Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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