the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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