Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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