Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
