Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
