I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
