I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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