i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
