i think i have two assholes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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