I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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