Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
