his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
