Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
