I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
