dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
